There's snow way I'm driving in that!

Due to family commitments and internet issues I was unable to post this up on Friday, however, like Jesus, my blog has been resurrected three days later on Easter Sunday. Not that you'd know it was spring time going by the weather. As much as I like snow and the wonder of cold weather and so on and so forth, there does come a time when I get bored of freezing my nipples off. In fact, I'm pretty sure there are parts of my anatomy that have not been the right size since October. It's not just me that's feeling the temperature, unconfirmed reports are coming in that the Easter Bunny has had to have his tail removed due to frostbite. Maybe supermarkets stockpile Easter eggs for this very reason, I mean, that must be why they start selling them in January. In fact I am surprised they have any time to sell eggs in between marketing Christmas cards in July and Halloween costumes in March. Nothing, it seems, is sacred from the clutches of consumerism. It won't be long until we see cards bearing messages such as 'Congratulations on your messy, expensive divorce.' and 'Happy Menopause, you're old!'

            It's understandable why people are getting annoyed with this weather though, us Brits can barely cope with a normal winter. As soon as a snowflake hits the ground the whole country descends into chaos. People start forgetting how to drive and think the central reservation is a sensible place to park. They're wrong. It is in fact a stupid place to park, as is the back of another car. It happens with frightening regularity as soon as the weather turns and I would rather not have to sleep in my car or leave it abandoned like a scene out of some B-list zombie film. Why drive in that weather though? Why not get a train? Ha! You poor, naive, hypothetical person. If you thought road travel was disrupted during snow then you have NEVER tried to get a train. A train is a fairly easy thing to drive, you push the stick to go forward and pull it to go back. They are powered by electricity and go along a track, very little room for disruption you may think. No. They're bad enough at the best of times. When you throw snow into the mix then it gets a whole lot worse. When that happens everything transpires to annoy me. "Northern Rail regret to announce that the 12:55 to London Euston will be delayed due to snow. Sorry for any inconvenience caused." Really dear? Really? Are you genuinely sorry? I didn't think so! What you actually mean is that there is a centimetre of snow covering a half mile long stretch of track and as a result a rail-mounted icebreaker will have to be brought in. No doubt a snowflake will then land on the driver and turn him into a brainless idiot (as snow seems to do for the majority of the population) and it'll be another hour until he has defrosted. In the meantime I will be sitting on the platform waiting for the train as my balls slowly freeze to the bench.

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