The World Championship Hide and
Seek trophy is in danger of finding a new holder. Move over Anne, Osama and
Maddy, here comes Flight MH370. As I am sure you are all aware, this is the
Malaysian plane that went missing on the 8th of March with 239
people on board. Using a little bit of maths, the total missing days for the
plane is 8,843 or 24.2 years. Impressive.
This is all a tragic accident
some might say (the sane, normal ones), but of course you get the conspiracy
nuts out in full force when something like this happens. Here is just a taste
of some of the ridiculous ideas being thrown about like so much shit.
1) Aliens
– Obviously. Where would any self-respecting conspiracy theory be without a
good dose of aliens? There have been the usual reports of UFOs, radar blips and
all the other bullshit that goes with it.
2) The
Bermuda Triangle! Yes, some say that the plane’s disappearance is down to the Bermuda
Triangle. See Figure 1 below as to why that is total bollocks. As you can see,
fairly obvious why that one is wrong.
3) My
personal favourite is that the plane was turned invisible and flown to the
USA. There were 20 employees of a small
company that developed cloaking tech. This coupled with the fact that some of
the passengers had false passports, lead people to think that somehow, the CIA
was behind this. The USA couldn’t organise a piss-up in a brewery without invading
the shit out of it first so I don’t know what compels these people to think
they could steal an entire plane. This is the country that assassinated a world
terrorist leader by knocking on his front-door with an attack helicopter!
This idea that governments could
hide anything as big as aliens or a hijacked plane is absurd. They can’t even
hide the fact that they spend 500 times the average person’s wage on a house
for cocks. Who needs a second home anyway? Even the biggest secrets get spilled
eventually, cue Wikileaks and Edward Snowden. What makes you think that they
could keep something like that under wraps? I am surprised that politicians can
even hide their own smug erections they get when they are stealing from cancer
charities or turfing families out into the street.
Tell
you what though; a televised debate between theorists and politicians would
make for an interesting evening of entertainment. I imagine it would be
somewhat akin to a bunch of chimps flinging their own shit at a load of rats
who are simultaneously trying to dodge the crap and throw their own back at the
monkeys, other rats and anyone else who might possibly be in the same room. There
would be more screaming, shouting and passing the buck than a particularly enthusiastic
game of ‘hot (venison-stuffed) potato’. That is the trouble with arguing with
idiots, they drag you down to their level and beat you with experience. I’ll
leave it up to you to decide which group that description best fits.
