What with being on holiday and currently unemployed, I have a lot of time for day time television. And it's bollocks! I mean REALLY bad! If it wasn't for Wimbledon then I would probably have a job already. As it is, I am forced to watch such viewing delights as Saints & Scroungers, SuperScrimpers and Fantasy Homes by the Sea. I know I'm not really the target audience for these shows but still, does anyone find these genuinely engaging? I'll do a little run down of these shows for those of you who have a job/school/a life. Saints & Scroungers features an annoying bald man who talks to shmucks that have been ripped off. While it is terrible that these poor people have had all their money stolen, giving your bank details to a wealthy Nigerian businessman who would like to share his lottery winnings with you is a very stupid thing to do. As such, you almost deserve to have it taken away from you so you don't do anything else. SuperScrimpers is worse, Mrs Moneypenny (blatant infringement) attempts to reuse teabags and pick up coppers from pavements. On the other end of the scale, Fantasy Homes is a programme about people with more money than I will ever own in my life flashing that money in my face like a swollen testicle and pissing it away on horrendously expensive houses.
As we all know, the king of daytime TV, the jewel in its crown if you will, is the Jeremy Kyle show. Or in other words, a broadcasted advert for social Darwinism. I've realised that the JK show is nothing to do with the class system or anything, it is in fact just stupid people. Stupid people with no ambition or drive who spend all their time at home drinking and having sex (actually, that second bit sounds a little like me, minus the sex). Then instead of sorting out their problems like normal, civilised people they go and do it on screen. I would go as far to describe it as the modern day equivalent of gladiatorial combat performed by monkeys; chimps in nylon tracksuits flinging their own faeces at each other. I have no problem with anyone that has a desire to better themselves but that lot? Maybe the gene pool could do with a little chlorine.
Then of course, we have the adverts. If you wanted a break from all the mind-numbing shit you certainly won't get it during the advert breaks. As far as I can gather, advertisers think that anyone watching TV between the hours of 10:30 and 3 are bloated females with lady problems that require a few quid to play their bills (also the plot of a particular 'movie' I watched the other day) or over 50s looking for car insurance or a small African child (a movie which would get you arrested). I can assure you I am neither. Nor am I wishing to sue the world after being injured at work or claim PP-fucking-I on some sodding loan that I never took out.
Next week I will do something slightly more worthwhile for example get a job, or build a church, or hammer nails into my eyeballs. It will be more interesting than watching the same old shit.
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